The crowd cheers, the phone rings, three missed calls since I last checked.
As we were talking outside, it was cold. Getting up and sitting down when you're wearing a skirt is difficult.
As I walked to get my smoothie, I notice a sway in my walk. I looked down, turquoise skirt accented with red and white. I looked pretty, I decided. Hell, with the cigarette and wavy hair I might even get away with looking attractive.
I climbed out a window and stepped out into a place I had never been before. After a considerable amount of months it feels like you know every nook and cranny of your college campus, and for the most part its true. But sometimes, all you need is a little change of perspective, and hey your standing at the roof of a building that you walk by everyday on your way to econ.
Thoughts are stalled, growth is stunted, you feel like you've been walking towards point A for a long tme until you realize that point A and point C are just spectrum's in a life that youve always identified by either black or white. And the points scramble, and the thoughts melt away into a plastic container that you identify as leftovers, and you run, you run so fast that your feet loose control and you seem to be carried by sheer momentum. You smile, you blink rapidly, you assure people that you are in fact okay, that you were dragged here by some friends and are completely happy standing in the corner while people dance. You say that you rather keep your coat on thankyouverymuch and tell people you're sleepy when they come over, engulf you with bear hugs and try to escort you to the middle of the crowd. There is a very thin line between the people who are doing and me, who is on most days only able to tolerate watching rather than participating. The line is flimsy, you could choose to cross over anyday, any moment, be part of the it crowd again, the ones you located and put together and made the most chill happiest freshman group ever. But you smile, enter the dance with a senior and leave when you realize hes having a good time. Its not fair, to always sanction you to my misery and so I slip out when I see some girls coming up to you and you smiling after getting some well deserved attention. I walk back quietly, quickly, you call to ask me where I dissapeared off to. I tell you half truths and for the first time you dont argue, tell me to sleep well and hang up. Perhaps youre finally sick of me, god knows I am. I dont see how anyone could want to hang out with me for extended periods of time. I would waste brain cells on you baby, but my minds preoccupied, perhaps in a different time or at a different place, ill have the patience to love you back.