pavement.
Touch my mouth with your hands
Touch my mouth with your hands.
I wake up today after my second nap of the day to see that its about eight something in the evening. I groan, knowing that there were a good five to six hours left of the day and even the strongest sleeping pills wont allow me to sleep again. I sit up, check my phone and decide to call back everyone who had called. Today, had been terrible, an anxiety attack in a busy smoothie bar wasnt exactly classy. I just get overwhelmed by people these days, I dont watch tv anymore because of all the faces.
After hearing about all the plans for the evening I lie and tell everyone that im going to study. I reach out for my ipod and realize I left it at your place. I also realized that one of the missed calls was yours. I dont call, put on my coat, pick up my bag and make the short walk to your apartment. I knock, let myself in and see you on the phone. I wait for you to be done, because you look all serious, playing the role of an economics graduate speaking to your new boss long distance in Barcelona. You finish and ask me to sit and tell me you were glad I came over, the whole campus was off going to some party and you really werent in the mood. My phone starts buzzing and I pick up realizing it a dear friend who I havnt seen in ages. I call him over and before we know it im sitting in a room listening to Swedish music, drinking Indian wine and playing Jamaican dominos with a bunch of people who I truly forgot how much I adore.
It was a little bit of relief.
Once the night was over, I stay to help clean and you insist on walking me back. So at three in the morning, we attempted to withstand the blasting cold air, trying to look sober. I was singing to myself, you kept looking at me, one cigarette being passed in between two people. We pass the grate and you linger, so we stop, and I start, a little by little, im so scared, im so broken, im so so so so small. And you sit and listen and mumble and smile and shake your head when you disprove. Ten minutes, and I felt cleaner, and perhaps a little more ready, still very very far away from anything secure, but a little more present, a little more aware. I had no desire to run, no desire to burst into tears, no desire to avoid your questioning glare.
We reach my room and I turn around to give you a hug. You remind me about that thing we have to go to tomorrow at noon and I groan. You hug back and whisper that you love me and walk away.
Touch my mouth with your hands.
I wake up today after my second nap of the day to see that its about eight something in the evening. I groan, knowing that there were a good five to six hours left of the day and even the strongest sleeping pills wont allow me to sleep again. I sit up, check my phone and decide to call back everyone who had called. Today, had been terrible, an anxiety attack in a busy smoothie bar wasnt exactly classy. I just get overwhelmed by people these days, I dont watch tv anymore because of all the faces.
After hearing about all the plans for the evening I lie and tell everyone that im going to study. I reach out for my ipod and realize I left it at your place. I also realized that one of the missed calls was yours. I dont call, put on my coat, pick up my bag and make the short walk to your apartment. I knock, let myself in and see you on the phone. I wait for you to be done, because you look all serious, playing the role of an economics graduate speaking to your new boss long distance in Barcelona. You finish and ask me to sit and tell me you were glad I came over, the whole campus was off going to some party and you really werent in the mood. My phone starts buzzing and I pick up realizing it a dear friend who I havnt seen in ages. I call him over and before we know it im sitting in a room listening to Swedish music, drinking Indian wine and playing Jamaican dominos with a bunch of people who I truly forgot how much I adore.
It was a little bit of relief.
Once the night was over, I stay to help clean and you insist on walking me back. So at three in the morning, we attempted to withstand the blasting cold air, trying to look sober. I was singing to myself, you kept looking at me, one cigarette being passed in between two people. We pass the grate and you linger, so we stop, and I start, a little by little, im so scared, im so broken, im so so so so small. And you sit and listen and mumble and smile and shake your head when you disprove. Ten minutes, and I felt cleaner, and perhaps a little more ready, still very very far away from anything secure, but a little more present, a little more aware. I had no desire to run, no desire to burst into tears, no desire to avoid your questioning glare.
We reach my room and I turn around to give you a hug. You remind me about that thing we have to go to tomorrow at noon and I groan. You hug back and whisper that you love me and walk away.
posted by discopapaya at 1:28 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home