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You put on a white shirt that has this blue pattern down the neck, you look at yourself in the mirror, baggy jeans, oddly fitting shirt, face full of pubescent acne, bottle neck glasses, frizzy hair tied up for ultimate comfort. You smile, you look pretty, you pick up the brand new cell phone you just got for your fourteenth birthday and head to the car.
Its her birthday, days before the actual day, why she chose to celebrate it so in advance you have no idea. You walk in, go to the no smoking section and see your friends, the boys sitting on one side, the girls on the other. The couples were holding hands under the tables, the boys inhaling their food, the girls eating salads because they were all on diets. You get met with hugs and joy and love and you sit on a table that seated everyone who you would continue loving till the day that they stopped loving you. Best friends, all of them, till now, till today.
One of the boys gets up, the girls titter together and you wonder whats going on. He comes and stands next to you and proclaims his never ending love and you smile nervously and tell him to stop kidding around. The girls start shunning you for not taking him seriously, and he pesters on, asking you if you would go out with him soon. You look down at what you're wearing and suddenly, the white shirt with the blue pattern looks so silly when your sitting with some of the most beautiful people you'll ever know. You turn bright red, tell him once again that you saw through the joke and spent the next fifteen minutes staring at your food- untouched. The girls look at you funny, take you to the bathroom and convince you that he's completely in love with you. For a minute, for a slight slight minute you let yourself believe them, that you too could be loved, that someone might buy you things on valentines day, that someone might hold your hand under the table, that your mother will finally stop telling you that no boys will like you because your fat.
You believe till you glance at your watch and realize its the first of April.
It was April fools day, and hey, you were the joke.
Your heart hits cold white tile, and you muster all the strength you can to last through the rest of the day. You cry like a baby when you go home, you cry because your hearts been broken without even being up for sale.
No matter what has changed, no matter how many years have passed, im still there. I still have the ability to feel like that at 4:01 in the morning, four hours after my nineteenth birthday, so many years later, so many lifetimes apart.
The shirts been thrown. The memories? Not so much.
Its her birthday, days before the actual day, why she chose to celebrate it so in advance you have no idea. You walk in, go to the no smoking section and see your friends, the boys sitting on one side, the girls on the other. The couples were holding hands under the tables, the boys inhaling their food, the girls eating salads because they were all on diets. You get met with hugs and joy and love and you sit on a table that seated everyone who you would continue loving till the day that they stopped loving you. Best friends, all of them, till now, till today.
One of the boys gets up, the girls titter together and you wonder whats going on. He comes and stands next to you and proclaims his never ending love and you smile nervously and tell him to stop kidding around. The girls start shunning you for not taking him seriously, and he pesters on, asking you if you would go out with him soon. You look down at what you're wearing and suddenly, the white shirt with the blue pattern looks so silly when your sitting with some of the most beautiful people you'll ever know. You turn bright red, tell him once again that you saw through the joke and spent the next fifteen minutes staring at your food- untouched. The girls look at you funny, take you to the bathroom and convince you that he's completely in love with you. For a minute, for a slight slight minute you let yourself believe them, that you too could be loved, that someone might buy you things on valentines day, that someone might hold your hand under the table, that your mother will finally stop telling you that no boys will like you because your fat.
You believe till you glance at your watch and realize its the first of April.
It was April fools day, and hey, you were the joke.
Your heart hits cold white tile, and you muster all the strength you can to last through the rest of the day. You cry like a baby when you go home, you cry because your hearts been broken without even being up for sale.
No matter what has changed, no matter how many years have passed, im still there. I still have the ability to feel like that at 4:01 in the morning, four hours after my nineteenth birthday, so many years later, so many lifetimes apart.
The shirts been thrown. The memories? Not so much.
posted by discopapaya at 1:32 AM
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